The Employee by joshua schwebel
About this project

Bopha's text

Josh Schwebel <privatejosh@gmail.com> To: Lauren Wetmore <████████████████████████████████ >

hi Lauren,
thanks for speaking earlier. I just went over Bopha's text. I mostly made one structural comment, which is that I think that the quote from FUSE magazine, (so good!) is perhaps better suited placed towards the start of the text, since it offers the reader a tripartite structure for interpreting the text.
I also agree with your other suggestions: more GOSSIP! and more contextual anchoring to The Employee.
Overall the text is really strong!!
x

Lauren Wetmore <████████████████████████████████ >

Thanks Josh!

I’m writing to Bopha today and wanted to check with you what the highlighted parts in page 2 and 3 of the doc mean.

x






@gmail.com>

Josh Schwebel <privatejosh@gmail.com>

thank you! (for asking).
the highlights were places I found especially interesting and clearly put.
I highlighted them because they stood out as anchors in the text and could be either unpacked, punched up, or otherwise brought out in order to amp up the flow of the text. It is not that they need to be reworked, but more that the text could be enhanced around these spots to draw more attention to them. I don't know how clear I am being, but I highlighted them in order to help me read / draw a clear path through the text, so it might be useful to emphasize them (not by highlighting them, but doing so with words) in order to help the reader also extract more from the text. These are very minor comments, final chef's kiss touches.
If this seems excessive or unrealistic feel free to ignore.

Lauren Wetmore <████████████████████████████████ >

That makes perfect sense!

Do you want to change them from highlights to brief encouraging notes so Bopha can feel cheered and encouraged?




Josh Schwebel <privatejosh@gmail.com>

oh! yes!
:)

Josh Schwebel <privatejosh@gmail.com> To: Lauren Wetmore <████████████████████████████████ >

ok, done.
I also wanted to say, emphatically, and I am sure you agree, because Bopha has seemed very concerned about wordcount, that 2000 words was only a recommendation, and mainly for her own gauge of the work, but if her text needs to be longer to better communicate her ideas, that is absolutely what we want too.
x

Lauren Wetmore <████████████████████████████████ >

Agreed! I will communicate this!
L