Re: checking in

Hey Josh,

Hope you are well, back home and settled. I tried to go see your exhibition while I was in Québec over the weekend, but our meeting time (12 to 5) overlapped with the exhibition hours, which was VERY disappointing. I even asked for a lunch break to have time to check out the show, but the staff opted for a later start time instead of a break...

I am writing because we have to talk.

I've been working on the text and, honestly, it's generating a bad feeling and I want out. I know the assignment itself is very straightforward and I have a lot to say (I have like 6 pages of notes and fragments), but trying to pull it together and imagining it existing in the world is triggering all sorts of really intense negativity. Like literally tight chest feelings. For some reason, bitching at the kitchen table is easy and seems to help, but trying to write about the same things is weighing on me. Obviously, spending my spare time trying to map out and articulate what i feel is a kind of capitalist neoliberal domestication of a sector I have given so much of myself to is expected to be depressing, but working on this has dragged me into a dark space faster than the text is taking form. This is probably an echo from my burnout, which I am a little terrified of falling back into. Your project is a great project and I totally want to support you, but this text is scratching a scab I forgot was there. It's not good for me to keep working on this.

I know it's late in the game, but maybe you can think of people like Amber, who actually researched ARC culture while working in it.

I really hate to quit on commitments, particularly with friends, so hopefully we can talk through your disappointment.

Michelle

Hi michelle,

I am really sorry that my request has made you go through this. I never wanted to put you into a situation where you are feeling out of control, or at risk of slipping into a worse mental state.

If you need to stop, then you need to stop. That’s just what it needs to be, and I need to accept that.

I am disappointed, for the sake of the completion of the publication, but I said from the beginning that our friendship was more important, and I hope that you can separate that from this state of affairs.

x

Hey Josh,

Yeah, I have no hard feelings. I feel quite bad for disappointing you, but it's better for everyone that I stop. I trust you will find ways to make this publication complete, and do justice to your project. 

x